27 min Now Akanji sweeps a long-range shot that is held by Areola, falling to his left. He’s already made at least four or five saves.

Make that at least five or six. Moments later, De Bruyne’s curler from the edge of the area is fingertipped round by Areola.

This performance is reminiscent of 2017-18 City, when opposition teams could barely breathe.

27 min “Hi Rob,” writes Frinton Bojangles. “I’m almost able to shed my memories of Steve Lomas wasting time by the corner flag despite us going down due to results elsewhere (with a post-substitution & post-shower Niall Quinn running down the touchline in slacks & loafers to shout at him) and then two years later going to Stoke and battering them but still going down to Division 2.”

If you were a City fan in the 20th century, Cityitis will never truly leave you. Watching the best team in the world has a certain medicinal benefit, though.

25 min Foden’s long-ranger is pushed away awkwardly by Areola; it was straight at the keeper but wobbling dangerously. City are battering West Ham.

24 min: Chance for Haaland! Bernardo Silva angles a ball towards Dias at the far post, he helps it back across the face of goal and Haaland can’t turn it from five yards. It bounced awkwardly and I think Mavropanos put him off.

23 min Doku’s shot nicks off Coufal and spins behind for a corner. He’s been a constant menace, as he was in the return fixture

21 min You don’t get many eye-of-the-needle crosses, but this certainly qualifies.

20 min That was a deceptively brilliant pass from Doku, who had to bisect four West Ham defenders to find Foden. In a way you don’t want Doku to ever grow up, because he’s so much fun to watch, but imagine how devastating he could be in two or three years’ time.

That was such a simple goal, the kind City love to score: pass, pass, pass, goal. Gvardiol and Haaland combined to find Doku on the left; he got his head up and squared a precise low cross to Foden, who swept it first time past Areola from 15 yards.

Twenty-seven goals this season for Foden, four titles in a row for Manchester City!

17 min: Chance for Rodri! City win the ball near the corner flag on their right. De Bruyne pushes it back to Rodri, who toebungs an unusually tame shot wide of the near post. He had a bit more time than he thought.

This should/will be Rodri’s 74th consecutive game for City without defeat, which would be a new world record according to IFFHS.

16 min Another Doku shot is blocked at the near post by Areola, a routine if slightly stinging save.

In other news, Moises Caicedo has scored from the halfway line.

15 min: Good save by Areola! Doku crackles inside from the left, cuts onto his right foot and hits a deflected shot that is tipped over acrobatically by Areola.

15 min Passes in the final third so far: Man City 81-1 West Ham.

14 min Emerson wanders infield from the halfway line, keeps going, does a little slalom and suddenly finds himself beyond the City defence. Dias catches up with him so he gives the ball to Coufal, whose cross is cleared.

13 min It looks like West Ham have switched from 5-3-1-1 to 5-4-1. Game on.

13 min One thing City haven’t done is clinch the title with a last-day exhibition; the closest was the 4-1 at Brighton in 2018-19. If they get another one soon they could run riot.

11 min De Bruyne whips in a free-kick from a very tight angle on the left. Areola punches it away.

11 min We haven’t seen the possession stats yet. I’d honestly be surprised if West Ham’s percentage is in double figures. Their 4-1 win is going to be one helluva shock after this start.

9 min “Well that was a fun final day of the season,” writes J.R. in Illinois. “What should we talk about now?”

8 min This is for all you As It Stands perverts.

7 min De Bruyne’s long-range shot is pushed away by Areola, diving to his left. A comfortable save but it’s all City, so much so that the phrase “it’s all City” feels inadequate.

7 min Pick it oot.

6 min Now City can just pass the ball around and wait for openings. West Ham are defending really narrowly, with eight of their team playing centrally, so De Bruyne goes wide to Doku. He beats Coufal and drives a low cross that is kicked away at the near post.

4 min “If two teams finish on the same points,” says Phil Grey, “don’t you think the number of PGMOL apologies should come before goal difference?”

Phil Foden was moved into central midfield today, but I doubt even Pep Guardiola expected such an instant dividend. Bernardo Silva set the goal up with a square pass 20 yards from goal. Foden took it beautifully across his body, losing Ward-Prowse in the process, and arrowed a rising drive into the far corner with his left foot. Areola had no chance.

It’s Foden 26th goal of the season, the season in which he fulfilled most of his glorious potential.

The player of the year scores a banger after 79 seconds!

2 min City have started with Doku on the left, Foden in central midfield and Bernardo Silva on the right. West Ham’s formation is 5-3-1-1 with Kudus behind Antonio and Paqueta in central midfield.

1 min The players take a knee, and then Kevin De Bruyne gets things going. City are kicking form left to right as watch.

“Can you feel it, Rob?” says Charles Antaki. “More pertinently, can Moyes and his team feel it – the wave of love coming at them from the other side of London? Of course, like much love, it is destined to be utterly unrequited. But even if it wasn’t, if you’re going to beat Man City, then love probably isn’t going to have much to do with it.”

The players are late coming onto the field, so the kick-off could be delayed. Bit weird. The City fans are in fine voice, belting out their variation on Hey Jude.

The last three times City needed to win on the final day, they had to come from behind to do so:

• Man City 3-2 QPR 2011-12

• Brighton 1-4 Man City 2018-19

• Man City 3-2 Aston Villa 2021-22

The moral of this story will be exclusively revealed at about 5.52pm.

Arsenal v Everton, which will decide who wins the title should City fail to beat West Ham, is being followed by Daniel Harris. And John Ashdown has drawn the Clockwatch straw.

“As a Liverpool fan, all I want is for Arsenal to score early and for the Hammers to be resolute in defense for at least the first half,” writes Joe Pearson. “Then City can crush all our neutrals’ dreams with a devastating second half rout. For myself, I’m watching Klopp’s Last Rodeo, but I’ll be checking in with you to know when it’s all over.”

It’s odd that, in Europe’s other big leagues, the leaders are often overtaken on the final day. Never seems to happen in England though. Even 1988-89 was slightly different because the top two were playing each other (although Arsenal still needed a miracle). In the 1990s and early 2000s, in particular, it happened all the time in Italy, Germany and Spain. Maybe today’s the day for good old English jeopardy to strike back.

“Scott Murray remains adamant West Ham are going to nick a draw today, leading me to wonder if I shouldn’t reach out to his wife re: cognitive testing,” writes Grant Tennille. “We shall see…

“Not the album anyone would willingly choose, but perhaps you’ve discovered that Locust Abortion Technician isn’t a half-bad soundtrack for United’s season this year? Deeply unsettling, all over the shop, with some moments of absurd brilliance.”

You’re making these up now, aren’t you? (But seriously, thanks for the tip, I’ll give it a go once I find a way to stop playing this on loop.)

The Premier League as it stands

As does David Moyes

My emotions are fine. I’ve enjoyed my time at West Ham, I had a great send-off with a good result last week and we’re hoping we can that again today.

Declan Rice and Mikel Arteta were both great captains for me, but it’s got nothing to do with today. We’ve got to try to perform against a team who are really difficult to beat. We have to do our own job.

The bald genius speaks to Sky Sports

Normally, in all leagues, the last game [to win the title] is difficult. It is all about how you think. If your thoughts are positive, you will stay in the game in the bad moments. If your thoughts are negative, or you start thinking about what you are playing for, anything can happen.

This is the key point. The players have to try to be inside the game. What are my duties, individually and collectively? All the details, the transitions with Antonio. What do I have to do.

[On his team selection] It was a really gough decision because Kova has helped us play with rhythm. But I thought West Ham would [defend deep] and he has quality, especially one against one. That was the reason why.

It’s a privilege to be here. We all know how difficult it is to win the Premier League, especially with opponents like Liverpool and Arsenal. The reason we are here is [jabs his forehead] the mentality: not just the players but throughout the club.

Pep Guardiola has picked a more attacking side, which is mildly intriguing given West Ham’s aptitude on the break. Jeremy Doku replaces Mateo Kovacic, which probably means Bernardo Silva will move into the centre of midfield, and Stefan Ortega starts in goal.

There’s no Jarrod Bowen in the West Ham squad, which is very bad news for Arsenal. He has tonsillitis. Aaron Cresswell replaces him, with West Ham switching to a back five. Konstantinos Mavropanos is in for Angelo Ogbonna.

Man City (possible 4-1-2-3) Ortega; Walker, Dias, Akanji, Gvardiol; Rodri; De Bruyne, Bernardo; Foden, Haaland, Doku.
Substitutes: Carson, Stones, Ake, Kovacic, Grealish, Bobb, Alvarez, Nunes, Lewis.

West Ham (possible 5-2-2-1) Areola; Coufal, Zouma, Mavropanos, Cresswell, Emerson; Soucek, Ward-Prowse; Kudus, Paqueta; Antonio.
Substitutes: Fabianski, Johnson, Alvarez, Cornet, Ings, Earthy, Casey, Mubama, Ogbonna.

Referee John Brooks.

Alternative preamble (jeopardy is alive! Ish)

“Good afternoon, Rob,” says Justin Kavanagh. “There are several shades of the final day of the 1995 season blowing in the wind today: All that stands between Mancunian champions reclaiming their title is a West Ham team with little to play for but their pride; meanwhile, a Liverpudlian team threatens to spoil the party for the challengers. But it’s hard to see the Hammers getting the required draw or Erling Haaland playing the Andy Cole role of roving around the park with a five-stringed instrument in search of a bovine derriere to swing at and miss. And miss again. Also, there’s maybe more than a millennium’s worth of daylight between the Liverpool of Barnes, McManaman and Fowler and Sean Dyche’s Everton. But that’s the joy of football, I suppose. For the neutral (at least until City score the first goal today), it’s the hope that thrills you.”

Poor Andy Cole: legend has it that he missed 49 open goals that day rather than hit the post and draw two very good saves from Ludek Miklosko.

This is also the last game of David Moyes’ second spell as West Ham manager. In four full seasons he won the Europa Conference League, reached the Europa League semi-final and finished 6th, 7th, 14th and 9th in the table. He is one of the greatest managers in West Ham’s history, even if he hasn’t always been treated as such.

Manchester City are jeopardising jeopardy. Their aura is such that most neutrals have already anointed them as champions, even though they still need to win their final game against West Ham at the Etihad. There’s a simple reason for that: they’re dead, dead good at football.

City’s five titles under Pep Guardiola have all included runs of at least 12 consecutive wins, some under the pressure of knowing a draw could be fatal. The best City can manage this year is nine, but there has been the same feeling of inexorability. A pre-Christmas break in Saudi Arabia – during which they keep themselves occupied by becoming world champions – woke City up, and since their return their league record is P20 W17 D3 L0.

This is the fifth time in 13 seasons that City have gone into the final game needing a particular result to win the league. It’s a familiar job that comes with a bonus reward. City can become the first team in English football history to be champions in four successive seasons. Huddersfield, Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United (twice) managed three in a row.

Sir Alex Ferguson and Guardiola are the only managers to have done so. Fergie came close to four in a row on two occasions, but he never got the cigar that Pep will be munching on should all go to plan this afternoon.

We can’t ignore those 115 charges lurking in the background, and in time we may view City’s imperial phase differently. For now, all we can say with certainty is that they are an extraordinary football team who are one win away from a unique feat. And that jeopardy ain’t what it used to be.

Kick off 4pm